Back in the day

Cassidy.Marie.Rose
July 16, 2011

aWhen I was a kid cameras had things called “film” in them. We had to take the film to the store and wait for it to be “developed”.

Layla: that’s crazy

Lord, won’t you buy me a night on the town

Cassidy.Marie.Rose
July 15, 2011

In the three hours I sat staring at the same paper clip on my desk  wishing away the last three hours of my friday, I got into a deep mental argument about girls night. Yes, girls night. Some friday nights are about sitting on the couch with Layla and Olivia googling “funny cats”. You can never get tired of watching a cat run into a wall.  Last friday night, we spent an unfortunate two hours at target and TJ maxx. (unfortunate being that I am broke can’t afford the things I want….like a smoking hot pair of 5″ Jessica Simpson wedges). The night ended with two tired as hell..”can we please watch Spongebob on the big TV” girls. When did friday night turns into “I hope I don’t fall asleep before ten” night. 

At work, I was pondering why girls night is such a “woo-hoo” worthy experience.
 At 31, most people I know are married, in a  serious relationship, knocked up or gay. So the idea of girls prowling the town for single guys is out. (although I am getting close to cougar years). Can girls night be girls at a movie or does booze have to be involved. (Anyone who wants to see Harry Potter would get a giant “Woo-Hoo” from me). Can it be girls night when there are boys involved? If half my friends are male, then why would I want to exclude anyone. Does living and going out in Youngstown, OH really count as a productive girls night? If I have to pay for all my drinks, is that still considered a girls night? (i am a DD, enough said). If I go to a bar and the majority of the people are dressed like they are about to clean their garage…does that count?  So I have decided that due to my limited resources here, I am going to have to  redefine girls night. Girls night is when you hang out with a group of people who make you laugh, have seen you at your worst and best, and  aren’t offended if you crack the occasional beaver or fart joke….boys welcome!

The Dog Days

Cassidy.Marie.Rose
July 14, 2011

I will be the first to admit it…when you have children your pets take a back seat. My dog, who once took up the whole bed nestled between Josh and I is now lucky to find a good place on the couch. Dog beds? forget about it. The cat seems to think that is her bathroom and scratching post. So Monday when I came home from work I had a real eye opener. What had started out as a steamy July day gave way to a early evening thunder shower. We got home around six thirty…I couldn’t resist the lure of a home cooked meal from my Mom. The three of use went went about our separate ways. Layla to the bathroom (she can only go in our toilet) and Olivia to play with her new toys. I was sifting through unpaid bills and coupons when I realized the house was unusually quiet.
“Liv-can you go let Nomi out” I said, referring to our almost thirteen year old pit/chow mix. Nomi was Josh’s first lady love and remains loyal to all of us in her old age. Liv ran (never walks) to the back room where the pet food is stored. “No Nomi” she calls. “Try the garage” I respond. “not in the garage” she yells. I stopped staring blankly at my closet..something was wrong. I look at the patio door…it was open. “Did you guys leave the patio door open?” I asked. ” I shut it” Layla responded..almost too quickly. I recall the door was open when we got home..so I ran outside…hoping I could find Nomi before the Poland Nazi (I mean police) found her and fine me for her once again lost tag. The three of us are calling to her…and i swear even the cat is meowing.

In the back garden near the tomatoes..something catches my eye. I blink..and look closer (not wearing my glasses always seems to mess with me). Is that a pile of dirt on the back corner of the garden? I knew Josh had said something about a raised garden…. (I heard blah blah blah garden). “Nomi?” I called. no movement. This time I was close…almost close enough to touch her…but she wasn’t moving. My heart dropped…I feared the worst. The storm and humidity had been too much for her old body to bear. “I didn’t leave the door open” was all Layla could say. “Nomi” I called again, a little louder. I was still unsure if I should touch her but I reached out my hand. Slowly she got up..and I gasped. The side of her face was all swollen. She had bumps on her back. I got her into the house and with the help of some deli ham I coaxed her into the living room to examine her. I sent Josh a text as he hadn’t responded to any calls..probably in the middle of a dinner rush. “she has been getting bad lately, we are going to have to discuss some things :(” was his response.

Nomi’s new spot

If this story had a sad ending..I am not sure I would be able to post it. Three days, a couple allergy pills and some fish oil later, she is a new dog. Today she got a clean bill of health and a fresh round of shots from the vet. The swelling was a bug bite or bee sting of some sort and the shaking and slow moving was most likely due to the trauma of the storm.

While I am grateful that she is ok and that nothing serious is wrong her her..I really have rethought her place in this house. Hopefully with enough bacon strips, fish oil, and a nice place on the couch..she will forgive us and we can give her a couple good years.

Two Lost Souls…

Cassidy.Marie.Rose
July 14, 2011

Apparently I have reverted to baby days and took a nap too late in the day. I even thought “i will never sleep tonight”. So now my eyes and body are tired but my mind is a speeding train. I was laying there thinking about the last ten to fifteen years and how I got to where I am now.

Like everyone, I have many regrets and many “what ifs”. Aside from money problems and the kids..the “what ifs” creep into my mind when I am unable to sleep. (makes for some intense dreaming.) I ask myself the questions like “what if I never moved back here”, “what if I never left here to begin with”. I wonder if I choose the right career path or experienced love the way it should be. Ultimately I spend a good deal of time second guessing everything.

Motivational Picture by Layla

 Then I come up with the same conclusions: things happen the way they are meant to happen. All roads lead to here and all things happen for a reason. There is no use in questioning or second guessing, or pondering or imagining life any different. Things work out..and challenges are there for learning and growing. Make decisions and be confident they are the right ones. Anyone can rehash the past and draw it out the way they see it now. I know this is vague and perhaps a bit preachy..but it is these conclusions of faith and knowing that (hopefully) will put me to sleep at night. So when its  like “two lost souls living in a fish bowl year after year, running over the same old ground and how we found the same old fears”..just keep the sanity by knowing what happens is going to happen and we can’t wish our lives away wondering “what if”.

Tangled in tears

Cassidy.Marie.Rose
July 13, 2011

Tangled in tears